I wish I could remember every birthday I’ve ever had.
From age 18, I can recount most but before then it’s a little blurry.
Except this one.
I held the photograph in my mind. Dug it up from an old Laptop. It’s a scan of a real photo (remember those?). A fairy birthday party. Cake, friends from my school, my Mother dressed up, it was a real celebration. I remember the excitement.
We lived at 318 Stuart Street and I was at Arthur Street Primary. I remember the kindness of Ms. Gooseman. I remember dressing up in 1920s costume for school photos. I remember freedom to run and play and think.
I spend a lot of time thinking of that little girl. And have tried to befriend and comfort her. Motherhood, for me, bought that innocent inner child right up to the surface. In a positive way, mothering my two girls has been very healing.
But more on that another time…
In preparing for my three-year-olds recent birthday party, I found myself fretting beneath the pressure — would anyone come? How sugary is the cake? Would she feel loved enough? Parenting is such a ride. Raising a puppy was a good rehearsal. My approach is one I call ‘long leashed parenting’. Her Dad and I are her soft space. We are firm and gentle. We try not to flap and flail. Tonight we fed her ice cream for dinner. What a privilege.
People did come to celebrate her and in the most three year old way, she became a sugared-up, deranged mess by the end of it. It also accidentally became our unofficial street warming. In a park. Right where we live. All these beautiful new friends I’d collected through various baby groups or found at the local playground. They really are so friendly in the North. My husband and I were struck with a feeling of ‘arriving home’. A feeling I’ve had before but not for a long time. In my world, there’s so much movement. Touring and travel. I yearn for it. I need it. But I’ve also needed ‘home’. Like all of us. It feels foreign because it is. After 32 years of growing up in New Zealand/Aotearoa, I moved to the U.K to explore my British side of things. So far, so good.
I love celebrating my yearly orbit. It feels like a good time to take stock. And to feel grateful. Lucky me. Lucky us. How did we all find each other?
I am 33. Born on a Friday. 23.8.1991.
On a futon mattress in Devonport, Auckland, New Zealand.
In music land — finalizing the artwork has been an exciting task. It feels surreal to have new music coming soon…and to be on tour in the UK even sooner…
The first single in two weeks time. You can pre save it here. Five years since OOMP came out. How does that both feel like yesterday and a million years ago? The hands of time I will never understand.
So yeah, dusting off the cobwebs. Getting back on the horse. Whatever you want to call it. I’ll see you there.
X
Happy birthday! I’ve also had a birthday this year :)
Time is an unusual thing. I can understand why Prince chose to ignore it. Or perhaps it’s just the way we have given it numerals. By counting up we become aware we are also counting down. Best ignore it I reckon.
Happy Birthday! It’s my birthday too!